DontEvenReply.com
 E - m a i l s   f r o m   a n   a s s h o l e
Home    |    Top Rated    |    All E-mails (archive)    |    FAQ/Disclaimer    |    Donate    |    Twitter    |    Facebook



Special Skaters
Posted at: 2011-11-08 05:25:19
Original ad:
Attention all ice skaters and hockey players! Volunteers needed to train children participating in the Special Olympics hockey team. Anyone with adequate skating skill can be used to help teach our athletes to skate. Please call 410-***-**** or respond to the email address above.
Judy

From Me to ************@**********.org

Judy,

I am writing in response to your ad regarding helping children learn to skate.

I was a legend in minor league hockey until my career was cut short by a career ending injury. I still love the game of hockey though and would love to pass on my skills to your wonderful children. I look forward to hearing from you.

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

Mike,

I am sorry to hear about your injury. That is very unfortunate. Are you still able to skate? I only ask because we need someone to skate one-on-one with the children.

Judy

From Me to Judy *******:

Oh yes, I am still able to skate. I think you misunderstood me. My career was cut short because I was banned after causing another player to have a career ending injury. It was an unfortunate accident, but the league came down extremely hard on me. It really wasn't fair, if you ask me.

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

Yikes! What were the circumstances of the ban/injury, if you don't mind me asking?

From Me to Judy *******:

Not at all. It really wasn't a big deal. The guy was fine, but everyone turned it into this huge ordeal. During a fight, I broke his eye socket, fish-hooked his cheek apart and slashed his achilles tendon with my skate. He also suffered brain damage from blood loss, but that is more the paramedics fault than mine for letting him bleed out for so long. Looks like the only sport he'll be playing now is "shitting in a bag" (heh heh). Anyway, the pussies at the commissioner's office considered it "gross misconduct" and "assault" and gave me a lifetime ban. Can you believe that? I thought this was supposed to be hockey!

So like I said, I was a legend in minor league hockey. My nickname used to be "Murderin' Mike" (don't worry, I never actually murdered anyone. It was just a cute nickname). I won more fights than everyone else in the division combined. In fact, I've only ever lost one fight on the ice. But I won the rematch in the parking lot (thank you, tire iron!) I know everything there is to know about fighting and would love to pass on my skills to your kids. If you want them to be the best damn hockey fighters in the special olympics, I am your guy. With my training, the other teams won't stand a chance. The ice will be stained with their blood, teeth, and broken dreams.

I am currently in between jobs so I can dedicate a lot of time to helping out.

Best,

Murderin' Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

What do you think this is? The Special Dlympics are for the mentally handicapped. You know that, right? What you described is brutally violent and has no place in the Special Olympics. Frankly I think you deserve to be in jail. Thank you and goodbye.

From Me to Judy *******:

Whoa there. Don't be so dismissive! Do you even know anything about hockey? It sounds to me like you think hockey is just soccer on ice. Well I've got news for you, Judy, you couldn't be more wrong. In hockey, we don't fake injuries and have to miss half the season due to a pulled vagina muscle. We fight it out like men. Fighting is what hockey is all about. It is a tradition that dates back to the first hockey game ever played. If you want your kids to learn how to play hockey, they are going to have to learn how to fight.

I'll teach your kids how get away with everything without the referee seeing it. I'll show them how to make butt-ending, head checking, slashing and tripping look like an accident. They'll learn how to fight like hockey players. I have a whole set of moves I like to use during fights. My personal favorite is the "bowling ball", where you gouge both of the opponent's eyes and then jam your thumb into the roof of their mouth. I used that during a fight once and the guy actually started convulsing! It struck fear into the heart of the other team and we ended up winning the game.

With my expert training, your team will be the most feared team in the entire special olympics. Please reconsider hiring me.

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

You aren't coming anywhere near these children. Your attitude towards this whole thing is disgusting. Its absolutely disturbing that you find this kind of behavior acceptable. Especially for mentally handicapped children. I don't know what kind of insane league you played in but that is not the level of intensity that's meant for these children.

From Me to Judy *******:

Oh, I get it. You're saying that because these kids are mentally handicapped, that they don't deserve to be treated like regular people? Instead, you want to point out their disabilities and tell them that they will never be able to play hockey like normal people. When I saw in your ad that the kids were mentally challenged, I wasn't fazed. I didn't see kids with disabilities, I saw kids that I could turn into great hockey players. Do you not want them to be able to play hockey like everybody else plays it?

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

Give me a freaking break. You know that isn't what I meant. Don't pull that card on me. You expect me to believe that a violent psychopath like you genuinely wants to help the mentally challenged play hockey? Yeah, right! You don't give a damn about these children.

From Me to Judy *******:

Judy,

I am starting to think that you are the problem with this team, not the kids. You do not have the right attitude to be working with these kids. If you want to tell these kids that they shouldn't learn hockey the right way because they are mentally challenged, then that is just sad. It is a shame that you are taking away the joy of competitive sports from these kids. Competitive sports are great for kids - it keeps them from turning to drugs and violence in the streets.

Can I please talk to your supervisor? I would like to take your position and suggest that you be fired. You clearly do not have the right attitude to be helping mentally challenged kids.

Sincerely looking forward to taking your job,

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

Sure - her number is 1-800-GOTO-HELL

Sincerely done talking to you,

Judy

Share    
Showing comments 1-25. View all comments
just stop (2024-03-13 14:53:10)
read my name
Lucy (2024-03-08 15:36:35)
OMG guys.....pls just chill!
wassuo (2024-03-01 22:30:10)
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Jamal the third (2024-02-29 03:07:53)
am i the only one thats likes little boys?
Enter Name (2024-01-09 16:47:01)
hi sombody chat with me
Tanisha (2023-12-28 09:30:31)
Hi there! This post could not be written any better! Looking at this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept talking about this. I am going to send this post to him. Pretty sure he's going to have a good read. Many thanks for
Quinton (2023-12-27 23:11:28)
Hello, just wanted to tell you, I loved this article. It was funny. Keep on posting! donate for ukraine
Robin (2023-12-27 18:54:02)
Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon everyday. It's always helpful to read content from other authors and practice something from their sites. donate for ukraine
big booty randy (2023-12-11 08:09:52)
chocco finger your mom i recomend it
Mike Hawk (2023-11-08 03:59:54)
hey!
Penis (2023-10-26 16:10:31)
Penis
ligma (2023-09-24 00:08:14)
ywuidweufiuwk
ZOMG (2023-08-05 03:00:29)
ZOMG!
Magdalena Forde (2023-07-14 09:52:58)
The Healthcare, Medicine & Wellness Industries Need You: Are You Ready to Make a Difference Without Sacrificing Your Ethics? Hi - do you want access to a reliable source of new clients in the healthcare, medicine, and wellness industries? Pre-launch
Meredith (2023-06-09 10:35:40)
ordinare viagra online senza ricetta viagra online shopping in mumbai cheap generic viagra generic viagra from canada online comprare viagra online svizzera
(2023-04-20 23:22:24)
Hi are you the admin of this site? I think maybe we can work together. I believe your industry need more people from telegram right? Dont worry i can give u my free Telegram increase group member software. Is it okay if i put your link on my website
(2023-04-20 19:29:47)
Hi are you the admin of this site? I think maybe we can work together. I believe your industry need more people from telegram right? Dont worry i can give u my free Telegram increase group member software. Is it okay if i put your link on my website
Jessica Baker (2023-03-29 05:35:12)
Upgrade Your Communication Across Industries with Our #1 ChatGPT Alternative! Transform your business interactions with our cutting-edge AI chat bot – designed for speed, versatility, and engagement. No matter your industry, our chat bot is your ulti
Mia Sundberg (2023-02-28 23:56:05)
Are you fed up with being trapped in your financial rut? Are you striving for financial freedom but nothing seems to be working? Discover this Brand New Solution to all your financial problems with this FREE GIFT that has taken the Spiritual Communities b
Dora Hepp (2023-02-22 21:20:25)
Hello, Do you know why your metabolism is important? And did you know that it can actually help you lose weight, all in a healthy way? And so much more… I show you how, in this FREE E-Book: https://tribalshare.systeme.io/metabolism-ebook B
Shengdu (2023-02-22 16:14:22)
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
Brooke Lovelady (2023-02-07 04:28:50)
I was checking your website out and tbh its lacking the diversity of tested diet supplements I think part of creating value for clients in todays market is a must to gain competitive advantage in this oversaturated market. take a look at this 100% FDA &
Isabell Milner (2023-02-02 23:59:54)
ATTN-Rockstar course creators, business owners, agencies, social media influencers, coaches, consultants, community leaders and entrepreneurs! Introducing StaySkool(https://bit.ly/stayskool) - Are you stuck using Kajabi and Facebook Groups to manage yo
Lazar (2023-01-19 02:17:23)
Are you tired of spending hours writing copy for your website and still not getting the results you want? Let Jaspier AI take the reins and supercharge your online presence! Our cutting-edge AI program uses advanced algorithms to understand your target au
id smash (2022-12-31 01:37:42)
ur mom and girl friend

View all comments
(C) Copyright 2009 dontevenreply.com | Privacy Policy | Advertise | Hosting provided by Apis Networks